february 9 2025 I feel like I need to go to a doctor or something and get diagnosed for mental health shit. I would like to know if I actually have some conditions I suspect I have, but I am unsure of how to go about finding doctors and such. A part of me also doesn't care, like lemme live my life as the "crazy/kooky" clown. This apathy is probably not good and stems from my family not giving a shit about mental health haha. Reading is really fun. I am not a fan of digital books, ereaders, etc., because I can't feel my progress. Recently watched The Social Network (2010) again and boy...ew. I was telling my husband how I remember enjoying the film and thinking it was good, but the story makes feel icky, especially now. It makes me want to preserve the parts of the web that are untouched by social media and M***/Z*** shit. I wish I could've known the internet before F******* and I******** (I don't wanna type out this stuff because it doesn't deserve the recognition). I know the film is presenting a specific version of him, but knowing what we know now, it doesn't seem that far from reality...Now more than ever, the sanctity of the web needs to be protected.
january 24 2025 I don't think I want to cultivate friendships with people who use various AI apps to ask questions that require research and/or google. like...are we really becoming that lazy that we default to ChatGPT to ask basic things? AI has its uses and purposes, but it would be nice if it was used to help solve global crises rather than help people cheat on homework or lazily do their job. seriously, why hire someone and pay them $$$ all for them to use AI for their shit? hmm let me think on that one...this is one of the things that I think causes a rift between me and my generational peers. no offence to y'all, but you want everything spoonfed to you. why don't you use that squishy bundle of nerves in your skull and figure it out for yourself instead of pursuing the laziest option possible. everytime a coworker says "I just used ChatGPT...it was so easy!!" like wow really, good job! so tell me why you spent thousands of dollars on a degree when your job is done by a robot. anyways, Nosferatu (2024) is amazing. robert eggers is amazing. I wonder if AI could've made a movie as visually striking and haunting as him...hmm that's a tough one
january 17 2025 dearest reader and internet traveller, I know it has been several moons since we last spoke and I apologize. I have little to report, but I will do my best to fill the page. I can now claim the title of historian (I have a nicely framed piece of paper to prove this). I think I'm officially a pot head now, which is cool I guess. Trying to be healthier by walking more and not having a jaded heart. Love Imogen Heap. Love Lady Gaga. I have been reading for pleasure lately which is awesome because I feel like my brain is working and there's a glimmer of hope I'm not completely rudderless without higher education dictating my life. That's all I got...
october 26 2024 exciting news ! I'm getting a lil flash tattoo tomorrow and it's medieval themed >.< my wee historian heart jumps for joy. I also have a crush on someone born in 2001...there are no words. I'm not proud but one cannot control such feelings of a lustful nature. I guess I have entered my extroverted era. I'm less anxious to voice my opions and emotions, even around people I don't care to share those things with. I am truly turning a new leaf, or at least it feels that way.
october 20 2024 I wish I could do shrooms everyday but I think my brain would melt out of my ears and I would become too intellectial.
october 16 2024 work is a lot rn...trying to hang on bc I want to take a big trip next year n desperately need the vacation time. I'm worried about my friend, she's been having a rough time lately emotionally n relationship wise. my boss bought me pickle stuffed animal (stuffed animals are my weakness). I feel like we're def besties or at least comrades in arms. but at the same time he feels distant. overall, I am just glad it's fall because I can make a lot of soup.
september 1 2024 wolverine is hot...drool
august 22 2024 I hate when restaurants have menus online but don't show the pricing. I'm frugal...how can you expect me to plan my meal n expendature if you won't provide me with prices T.T
alas...such as life...to socialize with people that remind me of dread, the decay of my individualism and personality. do I have anything to talk to these people about? you think they wanna hear me yammer on about Jung's theory of myth? whatever...
august 18 2024 as part of my 100 point plan to make the usa a pinko commie daydream is to make every domestic airport a brutalist fantasy. limited windows, hard lines, grey, grey, block, squares. I want to make it as uncomfortable as possible on the inside and outside...no convienience, only endless suffering n waiting
august 15 2024 I am making my return to the worldwide web, excuse the silliness of my last post (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)
Anywhooooo, I am back now and will start cracking away at this site again. I was able to make an enter/landing page last night! It's still rough around the edges but it's progress!
june 8 2024 I am done having crushes on ppl. peace out...
june 4 2024 gender expression is such an interesting thing. growing up I always rejected femininity because I felt as though I wasn't worthy or soft enough to perform it convincingly. as I got older, I started shopping on my own and discovered my love for skirts and dresses. I started to discover what my femininity was, my own brand and flavor of it. sometimes I still struggle esp with weight and how I look in clothes isn't what I envision and then I want to hide from the world. my hair is the longest it's been in my life and I love styling it, but I find myself yearning for the days when I had a buzz cut and people were confused about my gender. sigh...decisions....
may 29 2024 the papacy is very messy...remember when there were three at one time?! been reading about late medieval / early modern history and I knew catholocism was gross but this just cements my thoughts lol.
may 28 2024 currently craving ice cream - specifically irish cream brownie. also been into messy and loud music lately, but always need more recomendations!
may 27 2024 tried zyn for the first time...made me sooooo naseous >_< but lesson learned!
may 26 2024 goth club today ! so excited to dance and such!